Friendship Rules

According to Richard Templar in his book "The Rules of Love", there are no rules in friendship. Your Friends are who they are - you have to take 'em or leave 'em.

Rule 87

Only have people in your life who, on balance, make it better not worse

The greatest thing about friends is that they're not compulsory. You don't have to stay with them unless you want to. Hopefully you'll have plenty of really good, reliable friends who make you feel good about yourself. But if there are people around you who don't do this, you don't have to go on seeing them you know.

Let's clear about this. You deserve to have friends around you who make you feel good, support you when you're going through rough times, and want you to be happy. Anyone who doesn't fit those criteria isn't in fact a friend at all, even if you call them one.

I know this isn't always easy. What about that friend who sometimes puts you down, but really makes you laugh? What about the one who is negative about your dreams, but always listens when you're in trouble? What about the critical friend who's always ready to help out? Or the unreliable one who is incredibly kind ( when they're there)? Tricky, isn't it? I don't know the answer. All I can tell you is that it's a balancing act. You need to put them in a giant set of scales - faults on one side and virtues on the other - and see which side carries the most weight.

The point of having friends is to feel better than we would if we didn't have friends. So why have them if they don't do this much for us? You know which friends you want to keep without questions, and which you'd rather be without. And a few you'll have to think through carefully. Remember, you can't ask them to change - you just take them or leave them.

Of course you don't want to make their life on balance worse, so you'll extricate yourself gently and considerately from the friendship. I'm not advocating a showdown in which you tell them exactly what you think of them, and they retaliate, and you have a big row. You're going to keep the moral high ground remember (Rule 71). Maybe you can avoid them completely and maybe you can't. But you can certainly stop confiding in them, stop leaning on them when you want support, and stop inviting them to your birthday party. In short, stop treating them like a best friend and discreetly relegate them to the status of acquaintance.

This isn't just something you need to do now. All through your life you'll need to run the occasional check on some friend or other to decide whether they are, on balance, making your life better. I hope most of them will all of the time. That way, you can be sure that you're surrounded by people who are, collectively and individually, making your life richer.

"The great thing about friends is that they're not compulsory"

The Rules of Love, Richard Templar (International bestselling author of The Rules of Life)

Ps: Thanks to my dearest for buying me this book, worth reading though.