Trying to look at the bright side

It's been almost a week since I was told about the news, and today, they keep on asking me the same thing.

"I heard rumors that you.. bla, bla, bla... Is it true?"

Hm... yeah, rumors. Well, I was only telling myself that it is all just a rumor, but the more people ask you, the more you'd feel like it is true. And that's it! I'll just try to look it at the bright side!

Well, yes undeniably, there were just so many things happened lately. The goods and the bads. If something good happens, of course you'll feel so pleased about it. But what if the bad thing happens? Would you cry? mourn? shout? laugh? stare? or just do nothing?

All the answers above, are just OK OK to me. I mean, maybe I'll do as those, but in the end, the moral of the story is ZERO. Thus, I'm trying to look at the bright side of it.

I have to admit that I somehow feel a little bit pressure about the news. There were also time when I keep on questioning myself.
Why it has to be me?
Why it has to be this way?
Why must it be this hard?
Why?
Why?
Why?

And the questions keep going on.. but again.. the moral of the story is ZERO.

So now, I guess the best thing is to accept the fact that, "my boss proposed my name for a transfer". And I will be soon transferred to "God knows where", maybe to a bigger city, maybe to other place with more challenging environment and culture.

*sigh*

I hope it'll be a good start. I hope, it'll be a better opportunity for me to gain more experience. I hope, it'll be a great stepping stone for me to build up my career.

And there, it makes me to ponder.



ps: Am still thankful, for I have supportive colleague who never fail to share experiences and advices through all the days.
pss: And him who always be there and listens.
pss: O Lord, give us guidance and courage to face the life ahead.

.. losing grip...

Idk, but lately, I've been watching a lot of Malay dramas, and there, it makes me thinking a lot about life. I seldom watch Malay drama because to me, some of the plots appear to be so fake.. Well, I prefer more thrills and twists in the drama itself, in return, i'll ponder and try to relate the message in the drama to myself. I guess Hollywood dramas also applies to this, just the fact that, I'm not interested in something that doesn't give me anything or something I couldn't learn from...

And there, as always and what the audience expected too.. a drama always ends with a happy ending.. but the journey to a happy ending is not always easy.. there will always be the third party.. there will always be conflicts and arguments.. there will also be disappointment, heartbreaks and problems occurred..

Sometimes, it's all too much.. until at one time you feel like you can't take it anymore.. You keep on questioning yourself, when will such things going to end.. from personal to the organisation that you're working with.. It's all a big deals to you.. health problem, eating disorder, feelings, partner, mum and dad, siblings, financial, bills, workloads, colleague and boss, performance and reputation, expectation.. and the list goes on.. .. until, u feel like it's all too much..

*sigh*

Two lost souls trying to find way back

Life is...

My mom once told me,

"God will always test us with many challenges in life. Thus, we've got to be strong."

And my sister used to tell me,

"God tested us because of His love upon us."

Yes, life is a test.

Often people say,

"Life is like a drama"
"Life is like a novel, there many chapters in it"
"Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're gonna get"
And
"Life..."
"Life..."
"Life..."

There are just undeniably many thoughts and wisdom about life. But to me...

"Life is a test"

But yet, despite of all challenges in life, the main point that we need to always remember and have faith on is, to be strong. There always be reasons for everything and sometimes, when you think that things turn to be bad, but actually it is not that bad at all. So, always have faith that you will find your happiness someday. =D

A friend once asked me,
"When you are facing difficulties in life, who will you consult or talk to?"

Surprisingly, I was speechless. Well yes, frankly speaking, I have problems to break out feelings to people, well yes, maybe sometimes there are exceptions when sometimes I do share stories and feelings with some close friends and loved ones, but mostly, I rather keep them to myself and which also actually, not a good thing to do.

"Sharing is caring"

Well, maybe this could apply. =D

When you share your thoughts and feelings with people, you would feel less burden with the things that you've been holding. Sometimes, sharing with the right person would give you the 'zing' and courage to move on. Sometimes, by telling people how you feel could actually make yourself feel better about certain things that bother you.

So, talk. But, be aware of whom you're talking to. Make sure he or she is someone who is trustworthy.

xoxo

Shape

I live my life in chains
Got my hands in chains
And I can't stick with the cards
That I got with a deal
Like this I must insist
That a girl's got more to do
Then be the way you think a woman should
I'm taking it into my own hands
In this man's land I can understand
Why I'm taking command
Had enough of stuff
And now it's time to think about me
I've always played it safe nothing's ever safe
Give me the courage to back my own convictions
Every decision I make I pay it back and more
Now turn the cards and let them fall to me
I don't need to play on with the hand that they have given me
I'll give it back cos it's not the way it has to be
And you can easily gamble your life away
Second after second
And day by day
You play the game or you walk away
It's a new turn on a blue day
And a cool deal of life for me
And it's all good
I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart

Sometimes, heartbreak does not only apply in relationship.
But when there is too much expectation in life, it could just lead to another step of disappointment.
The shape becomes uneven.

ps: This is not a post about love
pss: Quotation is taken from "Shape" by Sugababes lyrics

Second chance

It's been a week now and I still feel like it was all just a dream. Bad dream I should say. Though I somehow feel like someone who is so sick when people keep on asking me whether I am ok or not, but I guess I couldn't be more grateful for I am still breathing until now, Alhamdulillah.

I was just came back from a state level event for the team that I managed last Saturday. First runner up all over the state is quite an achievement for a new comer like me. It was the first day of working after been outstation for quite a while. Well, I guess I should have just trust my instinct as the day started with a 'not-so-in-the-mood' me. The whole morning was dull, until lunchtime, I wasn't planning to finish up my 'leftover work' so after the meeting, I rushed to my car, and speeding to the bank to settle-up things.

I wasn't so sure what happened, but as far as I remembered, I was driving fast when I lost control the car and hit the highland area. Everything was like a snapshot, before I fainted for few seconds to minutes. As what I remembered, I told myself to immediately get out of the car, and yes, I was actually half-conscious when I sat next to the 'badly damaged' car few moments later. Not so long, I heard a friend of mine, running towards me, hugging me, asking me how was I but to be frank that time, I wasn't so sure what I was feeling.

Now, it's been a week, and I am actually becoming more sure of how I feel for I know, I am getting better, Alhamdulillah. As far as I know, by hook or by crook, I have no other options but to stay strong since the traumatic incident. And I am also feeling so grateful for I have everyone to support me. I guess, the incident has made me realized , how lucky I am to have everyone who loves and concerns about me.

Perhaps it's a reminder for us all.

Though it's a bit hard to start everything all over, but I'm still grateful for God has given me the second chance, to make things right.

"You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have left"

This time, I'll let my tears running..

Dear S,

It hurts to hurt you,
I wish I could undone things,
I wish I wouldn't have to choose,
I wish that we could have stayed,
I wish things are good just like the old days.

But, time flies,
Things changed,
You've changed,
Either do I..

I am sorry S..

Truthfully,
Your bestie

She, a tough girl

It was a gloomy morning. She was late again. She hassled to her cubicle to put all her stuffs. There was something on her table. It was a gift. She then took a closer look at the perfectly wrapped token. It was a mug. It was written there;

Virgo the virgin
Perfectionist
Practical
Diligent and reliable
Critical
Analytical
Modest
Intelligent

She stood there, with the mug in front of her. For long, she thought deep, scheming the words one by one.

*sigh

Persevere.
There's no such word of "give-up" in her dictionary of life..
Through all the hardships,
all the tears and pain,
she was a tough girl.
And there,
she was hoping that she still is...


"Life is not a bed of roses"

Ponder

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost That your so alone
All you see is night And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Everytime you commit one more mistake
You feel you can’t repent
And that its way too late
Your’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame

Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Turn to Allah
He’s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray

Ya Allah
Guide my steps don’t let me go astray
You’re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way

Insha Allah we’ll find the way

(Insha Allah by Maher Zain)

Allah loves you

Who are you to judge?

I was told in a workshop;

Life is a long struggle.
Do not judge people because you yourself might also struggling with your own life-long struggle.
But, it is our duty to help each other with our struggles.

Well, yes.
Sometimes, people tend to be judgmental towards what is seen in the eyes.
Sometimes, people are more concern about finding others' flaws neglecting the good deeds of others.
Sometimes, people are just complaining without being grateful for what they have.
Sometimes, people are just being people, joking about other people's weaknesses without any sense of respect, disregard the sensitivity of other people's feelings and emotion.

Well, do you think that these people are the good people who has the privilege to judge?
Are they not like those who are always tested with challenges as the Almighty God's creations?

...many times in life, we do the wrong things, we are not angle.
But, feel guilty about it, acknowledge yourself immediately.
Immediately following up with something good..

...Allah promises to those who are hardworking, determined towards the right things...

(quoted from the workshop I attended)


So, be good and help others to be good.
You could make a difference.

So, instead of condemning, help others to find the right path, ok?

When I grow up

"But be careful what you wish for
'cause you might just get it
You just might get it
You just might get it"
(When I grow up lyric)

Little did you realize that time flies so fast. The last time you remembered that you were just a little kid, young and naive, curious with the world which is full of wonders. But now, you've grown up, to be an adult, with responsibilities and thoughts, living in the life of causes and consequences.

And sometimes, you just wish to turn back...

I still remembered last time when I was a little girl, I always wonder how is it like when I grow up? I can't wait to be a big girl myself, so that I can do things on my own and get all the things that I want. And now, with responsibilities that I have to hold on to, sometimes, I wish I was just a little girl back then.

Sometimes, life isn't just as pretty as it looks like. You have to work hard most of the time. Being a big girl myself, sometimes I feel like crying each and everytime I punch out, leading myself to the car, with stuffs in the hands. Everyday is just the same day, day till night, it's all about work. Then, the flashback of the good old days came dancing in the head and followed by a long sigh.

I guess, the same thing happens to most of us too.

But, responsibility is just something that you couldn't run away from.

And that's how it goes.

You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have left.......~unknown~

...and I guess, that's just the price that you've gotta pay...

Alone

I remembered my mum told me once,
"When you get older, you'll feel more alone"

Now, being an adult myself, I couldn't agree more with what my mum has said and taught me.

Being an adult, of course you have to be on your own, most of the time I should say. Imagine yourself, been staying far from parents for about 7 years, and when now staying with them, nothing much differ I guess as we struggle to keep up with our very own life, works and needs. I guess it also applies to all, as there are no more hang outs and shopping with the so called BFF so as the loved ones. Thus, leaving yourself alone and everyday ends with a long sigh and ponder.


I guess this is what we call life. No matter who you are, whatever background you come from, plus and minus you have to admit that's just the kind of life you've been living in, i mean struggling to keep living. I still remember the day when I was rushing to my car after work and I saw a Mak Cik. She was sweeping the compound and I just smiled from far. I wondered what kind of life that she's having? Does she has a lot of things in her mind too? But once I got in the car, I just said to myself, "Alhamdulillah, for who I am now, for what I'm doing today, I am still be able to live..."

Sometimes, we are too busy focusing on a better life until we overlook to be grateful ourselves. Life is a test where all of us are struggling to pass. Thus, you can't compare your life to others.

Allah does not burden any person with more than he can bear. [2:286]

.. He who knows best..
Thank You Lord, for the life that You has given me..

I just wanted to be happy

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me: you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

~Christina Rossetti~

Just call me, will you?!!

The art of Forgiving

"To forgive and forget, rules to a happy life"

Often we heard such line intentionally to comfort somebody's grudge. Even sometimes it's been said to us whenever we were in anger or hatred due to hypocrisy, backstabbing, betrayal or any controversial affairs that irk us. But the point is, is it true that you can live happily by forgiving and forgetting someone's flaws to you?

Well, let's get the picture here.

Your boyfriend/ girlfriend cheated you. Your circle of friends think what he/she had done to you was so unforgivable. Thus, you feel like you cannot even forgive him/her. So every morning you wake up, you remember what he/she had done to you and you curse him/her. Before you go to bed, when you feel sad and alone, you remember what he/she had done to you and you curse him/her. What about in between that? When you go out and you saw a couple crossing the road, you remember again and you curse him/her. You go to the petrol pump and you saw a couple in a car in front of you. The guy walks to the counter while the girl touching-up in the car. Then, you remember what had happened and you curse him/her again. Wow, in ten to eleven days, he/she would totally got cursed by you!

But then, do you feel better?
Even if you think that you'd feel better, the feeling won't last long because you'll feel the burden soon after. Yes, the burden of revenge and grudge that you're carrying with you. And it'll get heavier day after day.

Why can't you just let it go?
Let it go. Let bygone be bygone. When it comes to the point of letting go, yes, it's never get easy. But, that's just the best thing to do.

"To err is human", who are we to judge?

Try to open up your heart...and...forgive.. No matter what happened, life goes on. Don't let the past holds you back. You'll feel less burden when you forgive people. Yes, even for bits and pieces deed, let's just forgive. Embrace yourself with love. Love yourself and love the others. You'll feel much happier then. =D

Through The Rain

Because you were there

"Thank you"
"Why?"
"Because you were there"
"I was there because I chose to be with you and I'll be there no matter what circumstances you're in"
She cried again.

Life is not a fairytale. There are time when you would be tested with lists of unexpected challenges when you least expect them to happen. When you think that everything is doing so well, suddenly things just happen and you lose your grip. What would you do? Panic attacked? Cry out loud? Drive as fast as you can? Eat a lot of ice cream and chocolates? Lock yourself in the room and switch off the phone so that nobody can reach you?

If your answer is among all above, how do you feel after that? Better? Worse? Or heartless?

Well, no matter what your answer is, most of us will need a shoulder to cry on. Why? Because it hurts when you just keep it to yourself hoping that the wound will heal and fade away soon. But be careful, that 'shoulder' must be someone whom you trust most.

Knowing 'someone' is there for you when you were facing difficulties in life will somehow lessen the burden. Sometimes, life gets tough and you need the support of others to move on. And sometimes, life gets extremely tough, when you feel no one could help or support you except the ONE and only who will always listens. Yes, things happen for reasons, but HE who knows best.

And you are not alone, you will never be...

Don't be sad

"Doctor, why did the pimples come out?"
"Ohw, that is because you are stressed. Hm, are you stressed?"

Ohw, am I stressed? I asked myself. I just laughed.

Well, there are time when we would feel so stressed up with workloads, personal things or even some issues related to our life. Who said that life has to be perfect? Let's face it. Life has its ups and downs. So as your love life, it has its hot and cold moments. But, no matter how hard life is, life goes on. Don't be sad...

As for me, I believe that things happen for reasons. Sometimes, things fall apart for better things to fall together. Sometimes, things go wrong but miracles could happen when you least expect it. Have faith that you will find your happiness someday. Be positive for obstacles are just a part and parcel of life. Nobody can run away from that fact. But, be grateful instead, for what you are going and have gone through, you are not alone.

Look around you and you'll be surprised that there are still many people who love and care about you. Just remember, when sadness come, it is not the end of the world yet. Nobody knows what the future holds for you. Maybe there'll be a rainbow after the rain. Maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep on going, keep on moving. Yes, it takes a lot of courage, but soon you'll know and you'll thank God for giving you the strength, you'll thank God for not giving up..


Love yourself and spread the love. xoxo